


I Don't Know, Not a Homophobe

by MercuryandMoonlight



Series: Who Run The World? [3]
Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Angst, Background Slash, Better Together, Denial of Feelings, F/F, Femslash, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Happy Ending, Humor, Identity Issues, M/M, Secret Crush, abed gets meta and fixes it, gay positivity, oblivious idiots who need to just get together already
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 13:57:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11037579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MercuryandMoonlight/pseuds/MercuryandMoonlight
Summary: After the Valentine's Day dance, Britta is still bummed out. Annie wants to help her but can't figure her out. Abed gets meta and explains, then suggests they use the Abed method to understand each other via a movie or tv show. He suggests "But, I'm A Cheerleader" and it opens a can of worms that can never be closed again.





	I Don't Know, Not a Homophobe

**Author's Note:**

> Starts out after the Valentine's Day Dance where Britta is Not A Homophobe and Neither is Annie. Background Trobed. Told somewhat from Annie's POV with anal analysis that misses the point until they finally get it right together. It's cuter than it sounds.
> 
> Warning: internalized misogyny and internalized homophobia that is more or less settled and resolved.

 

    Ever since Britta had found out that Paige wasn't a lesbian, and actually thought that Britta was a lesbian, Annie noticed a change. Britta had worn a pink top yesterday. Pink! She never wore pink. She didn't even own anything pink so she had asked to borrow one of Abed's pink shirts and a brown skirt from Shirley with a belt on the first hole to keep it up. She looked pretty but miserable. When the study group had gotten over their shocked silence, mostly due to Abed's incessant 'why is everyone being quiet and staring at Britta? Is this a fashion thing? Someone explain', they had started the customary mocking but quickly changed the subject when Britta didn't respond with anything but polite smiles and acquiescence. Clearly, she was going through something. The next day she went back to her old clothes but she kept borrowing more of Abed's and Shirley's clothes to make more feminine clothing combinations that she tried out and modeled for Shirley but never actually wore. For some reason she didn't ask for Annie's opinions. Annie pretended it didn't bother her.

  
    Annie had been changed since that day as well. Seeing Britta and Paige kiss had been painful and awkward, and not just because they were both clearly uninterested in each other and just trying to prove a point. She didn't know why exactly but it really bothered her to see Britta kissing another woman. She wasn't exactly disgusted. The incident afterwards where some guy shouted that she and Britta should kiss and she thought Britta was going to do it just to provoke people again, for some reason she had wanted to. It felt exciting to be rebellious. When she had turned towards Britta, mouth open and panting, flush creeping up her neck, bosom heaving, a warm tingle creeping up her thighs making her squeeze them together and getting this delicious jolt of pleasure in her...root chakra...and the stab of hurt and disappointment in her chest when Britta stopped her...

  
    Well, she was just passionate about equality and stopping homophobia. After all, if they made the campus more open-minded, maybe Troy and Abed could finally be happy together. She would have so much fun planning the wedding. Annie prided herself on being progressive and feminist and open-minded so she couldn't possibly be homophobic. After all, she fully supported Troy and Abed's relationship. She suspected the only reason they weren't together is because Troy still thought he had to be a certain way: masculine, athletic, heterosexual. All of Troy's idols were cool straight guys as far as he knew and that was how his family wanted him to be. Troy couldn't change who he was but he never stopped trying, except when he was with Abed. Everyone could be themselves around Abed. He made it clear that he was judging you but that you should do whatever you want anyway, unlike Jeff who loved to make people feel just as uncomfortable as he was all the time.

  
    One of the things Annie loved about their study group was how they all accepted each other. They had all helped Pierce to make his Hawthorne Wipes Big Gay Bash. Even Shirley thought Troy and Abed were cute together but she always adds in that she prays they find good women anyway, in case Jesus is listening. Annie knows Shirley would try to sneak all of them into heaven with her. Even Jeff only made fun of them because he was jealous and Pierce has oddly supportive speeches ready to go for whenever everyone decides to come out because he thinks college makes you gay. Despite Shirley being happily remarried to Andre, he still thinks deep down she is a lesbian because she has rejected all of his sexual advances and that is the only logical explanation in his mind.

  
    Being surrounded by so many different kinds of people who are usually honest with each other keeps her from being prejudiced, she hopes. Just in case, she takes as many social justice classes as she can trying to stay #woke. Britta helps because she is always so vocal about social issues and even though everyone groans loudly, they hear it and reflect upon the issues themselves. They're not annoyed at the topics, just that Britta tries way too hard, but Annie is the queen of trying too hard. The reason that she's accepted is because she does it with a smile while Britta is willfully confrontational. It's like she thinks people have to fight and be uncomfortable in order to actually be honest and care about things and get better. It's probably how she was raised. Annie took a psych class and has a theory that Britta was raised to be silent and obedient and traditionally feminine so now she tries to do the opposite as if relentless rebellion is her only path to freedom.

  
    So it made sense that they were all concerned by this strange and docile behavior. Britta was being so agreeable but her eyes were empty. She looked like a sad doll. They all decided to have a secret meeting about Britta after class. Abed was insisting that her positrons had been negatized and Troy agreed. Pierce said this was what happened to lesbians after they finished college and had to go back into the world but needed to find a man to marry and support them because of their biological clock. Everyone looked at him with disgust and the cold knot of fear that had curled up in Annie stomach started to untangle. That wasn't true. Look at Ellen DeGeneres. She had a fairy tale wedding and her wife is gorgeous. Not all lesbians end up sad broken dolls married off to men like Pierce who get off on the stories of college pillow-fights that turned into something more. The scary thing is that no one actually disagreed with him or brought up Ellen at all. They just moved on, stating more theories. The knot in her stomach had loosened but it stayed there. She was really worried about Britta. Planning Shirley's wedding with Britta and making it so beautiful was a dream come true, almost like they were planning their own wedding together and Britta would make a gorgeous bride-groom and maybe that term was invented just for her and this moment and--

  
    Anyway, Britta was really depressed about being so good at wedding planning so she got drunk and started crying about becoming a "Barbie bimbo Martha Betty subservient sex doll who will get married to a man and happily become Susie home-maker wife and mother, secretly drinking myself to death so I can stay numb enough to sleep with the bastard once a week and not to kill myself." Annie tried to tell her that some people are genuinely happy living as wives and mothers but that's not all you have to be. "I mean, look at Shirley! She found a way to make it work and she has a loving family and husband who supports her dreams of owning a business." Britta just replied that Shirley is a very special woman in between great heaving sobs, somehow still managing to look perfect even with puffy eyes and rosy cheeks. She couldn't stand it anymore. Britta did stupid things even when she was thinking clearly, who knows what this kind of grief could get her to do?

  
    "This is pointless. I'm going to go talk to her." Annie couldn't stay in that room another minute. Suddenly the place that she had felt most welcome and most at home had become hostile and cold. She felt like an outsider. Every time someone mentioned "Britta's not a lesbian!", spitting out the phrase with exasperation and annoyance (because of course she isn't, that's ridiculous), something inside of her was hurting. She hoped Britta didn't feel this way. She looked up to Britta. Ever since they had first met, she was floored by this strong and beautiful woman who stood up to racism and sexism and classism and every kind of prejudice she found around her. She was so comfortable with her body and sexuality and never let anyone shame her for it. This regression...it felt like shame, like she was turning her back on everything she was to become some watered down and more pleasing version of herself.

  
    Annie was nauseated by the thought, grabbing her stomach and leaning her head against the wall for support. Her world was spinning. A gentle but firm tapping on her shoulder, mechanically rhythmical, alerted her to Abed's presence behind her and she felt a small wave of relief rush over her. Abed was smart in so many ways, he might know what to do. She turned and resisted the urge to hug him, looking up into his expressionless face. His monotonous voice was music to her ears.

  
    "What are you going to say to her?"

  
    "I don't know but I have to say something. We're just going around in circles and better I talk to her than any of them."

  
    "Why?"

  
    "Because... I don't know. I feel like this is my fault."

  
    "How?"

  
    "Britta was trying to make everyone less homophobic and I wanted to help but Paige isn't a lesbian so they kissed for nothing and now they're not friends anymore and I thought Britta was fine but she's not. Can we find a lesbian for her to be friends with?"

  
    "I don't think that's the problem."

  
    "Well what is it then?!"

  
    "In my opinion? Compulsory heterosexuality but only she can tell you. I can only speculate."

  
    "So speculate. Most of the time, I don't get her at all! This doesn't make any sense."

  
    "Doesn't it?"

  
    Through gritted teeth, Annie elicited a warning. "Abed..." She couldn't stand any meta riddles right now.

  
    "Britta has spent a lot of energy trying to be unconventional and rebellious against stereotypes. Her staunch feminism often provokes people who are forced to question gender roles and patriarchal society with internalized misogyny and it makes them uncomfortable so they retreat into the safety of heteronormativity in which they were raised. This system tells them that Britta is being unfeminine and purposefully taking on a role of power in asserting her own agency. This role is masculine and reserved for men and all men should be heterosexual and masculine and attracted to women so they rebuke her by casting her into a role that they can somewhat understand. They call her a man-hating lesbian, an object of scorn, a woman who has the audacity to seek equality with a man, to act like a man and demand respect.

    It doesn't help that her aesthetic is cool biker chic or hipster intellectual, both of which derive from the rebellious clothing choices of historical lesbians. She has been trying to show off how empowered she is while trying to prove that she's not the label people try to give her out of spite: man-hating lesbian. We already know that Britta sometimes sleeps with trashy dudes because she hates herself. This newfound feminine performance may be a new rebellion against discovering something about herself. Maybe she's not OK with dressing like a lesbian anymore because she actually felt some attraction to Paige and she's rebelling against that by becoming traditionally feminine so that if she is a lesbian, she won't be a stereotype."

  
    "Wait a minute. You think Britta is a lesbian?"

  
    "I think Britta isn't sure what she is but society tends to think in binaries."

  
    "Like a computer?" Annie gasped and covered her mouth, eyes wide when she realized how mean that sounded. "I'm sorry, Abed. I'm just really worried about Britta."

  
    "No offense taken. Also computer binary code ironically isn't always binary. And bisexual people exist too. Nothing is ever as simple as we want it to be. If it was, I'd understand people perfectly because they would never deviate from pre-determined patterns like media tropes and I wouldn't need any filter to relate to them." He was spanning entire universes with his thoughts at any given moment with little to no change in facial expression. It made her dizzy to think about what goes on in Abed's head.

  
    She pressed her lips together, processing the information. "So, you think I should just ask her what's going on? That will never work! She doesn't respond to anything appropriately!" Now she had all this pent up momentum and nowhere to focus it. She was getting antsy, that's why they called her Antsy Annie.

  
    "That's not what anyone calls you."

  
    "What?"

  
    "You were monologuing. I appreciate it because I don't know what your face is doing. May I recommend the Abed method?"

  
    "Which is what? Dreamatorium?"

  
    "No, that's the Trobed method. Once Troy and I started living together there was this tension between us and I didn't know what it was and neither did he so I invented the Dreamatorium as a release because when Troy is pretending, he's really just being himself but uses the character as an excuse and gets less embarrassed."

  
    "That makes sense, he's really bad at acting."

  
    "Yeah. So the Abed method is relating through media. I recently rewatched "But, I'm a Cheerleader!" I think Britta would benefit from seeing it and you should watch it with her. Maybe she'll open up after seeing a character with a similar plight."

  
    "Abed! That's a great idea!" She smiled widely, finally feeling like she could do something for her friend. "Once Britta sees a bunch of dumb, pretty cheerleaders, she'll see how weird she's been acting and remember she's not like that at all! She's the Fonz and she needs to get back on that motorcycle and ride! Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!" She squeezed Abed in a tight hug, feeling all his bones go stiff and she worried that she'd overstepped but when she pulled back, Abed had the same expressionless face but his eyes were just a bit wider, head tilted to the side. He's processing.

  
    "OK, so I'll go find her and invite her over to watch the movie tonight? Cool?" She was nervous. Sometimes her displays of affection were unwelcome.

  
    "Cool. You said you'd make special noodles but I guess we can order pizza." He gave her a finger guns salute to let her know he really wasn't mad about it because fixing Britta is more important than special noodles. She waved goodbye and raced home to find that movie and fix up her room, texting Britta along the way. New docile Britta responded immediately, accepting the invitation, sending a cat heart-eyes emoji un-ironically. Annie wished the emoji was sincere.

  
    Later that evening, Troy and Abed were eating pizza and playing in the Dreamatorium when Britta arrived. Annie answered the door, heart in her throat, anxious to get everything back to normal. If all else failed, she would ask Abed to talk some sense into her, meta-style. To her utter shock, Britta was wearing her clothes! She hadn't even noticed that outfit was missing! She was wearing a short black ballerina skirt with black stockings and silver ballet flats, a pink button-up top that showed more cleavage with Britta's larger bust, and a tight yellow cardigan. Her hair was tied up in a cute pony-tail with a pink ribbon, lips glossed pink, wearing powder and mascara, glittery baby pink nails, smiling mindlessly with empty eyes. It reminded Annie of the Joker (the Jack Nicholson version).

  
    "Hi!" Britta's squeaky greeting let her know how close she was to cracking like an egg. This movie night came just in time. She invites her in and they watch the movie in her room on her laptop, sitting closely together on her bed. Britta squirms through the whole thing, having outbursts in support of the girls every once in a while, bitter sarcastic comments about sexism and gender roles scattered throughout, and Annie encourages every single one, feeling that knot unravel in her stomach, letting her feel lighter. She looks less and less taken aback by her normal behavior, less and less desperate for approval, face relaxing from the harlequin mask to some semblance of her friend. When the girls spend the night in the little doghouse, Annie squeezes her legs together, feeling hot all over, doing everything in her power not to turn to Britta and make some awkward comment. This isn't what she expected at all. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Britta biting her lip, hands balled into fists on her lap, chest rising and falling rapidly. This is a different kind of tension. When the ending comes, and thank God it's a happy one, her heart is fluttering as they hold hands and cry, overwhelmed with joy at seeing real emotion on Britta's face again.

  
    "Annie, I'm so glad that you invited me over, that you're trusting me with this."

  
    "Oh, gosh, I'm so relieved! I didn't want to force it but I couldn't stand it anymore!"

  
    "Of course, I understand. I'm honored to be the first person you're coming out to."

  
    "What? Britta, I'm not--!"

  
    "Annie, haven't you learned anything from the movie? There's nothing to be ashamed of! It's a new generation, I mean, look at Troy and Abed!"

  
    "I'm not ashamed of anything!"

  
    "Annie, come on. You're repressed and uptight about everything but I'm glad you're finally letting go. If you wanna experiment with me, I'm totally cool with it cuz I'm not a homophobe."

  
    "I know you're not--wait, I'm not--Britta! I was doing this for you!"

  
    "Yeah, cuz you wanna be cool and open-minded like me and let go of internalized misogyny and lesbophobia, I got it. Don't worry, I'll help. I've practiced with plenty of girls before I dropped out of high-school. Just relax."

  
    Britta cradled Annie's face in her hands like a baby bird she'd found on the ground who was just learning to fly. She looked so happy and proud of Annie. There was real joy in her shining eyes and who was Annie to take that away? Sometimes friends lied to make each other feel better like when everyone told Jeff his forehead isn't that big. Annie smiled back and closed her eyes, skin tingling all over. She had to make this believable for Britta and pretend she wanted this, that all those dreams and fantasies she'd had of kissing other girls actually meant something and weren't just silly schoolgirl crushes. She had to pretend there was this burning desire in her to be touched and held by other women that she didn't ever dare fulfill. She was crying again and Britta brushed away her tears with her thumbs, still holding her face gently like she was some precious and delicate thing. Why was she crying? Why was she afraid?

  
    "It's OK, Annie. I'm gonna help. I'll take care of you." Her eyes fluttered open at the feeling of Britta's breath on her lips. She was so close but hesitating as if she wasn't so sure herself. There was insecurity and yearning and earnest need in her dark eyes, so deep and black you could hardly tell the pupil from the iris. Annie had always hated her own watery blue eyes, her own dull brown hair, her thick puffy baby white skin. Britta had skin thin and delicate like porcelain, bright blond curls, deep black eyes, like a perfect life-sized doll, a completely different kind of beauty from the vivacious Tyra Banks in that movie. She didn't want Britta to go back to that docile empty caricature. This had to work. Time to take a risk, now or never.

  
    "Annie, are you sure? We don't have to--" Annie pushed forward and kissed Britta hard on the lips. They both pulled back in pain. "Ow, who taught you how to kiss, Margret Thatcher?"

  
    "Well, I was nervous! You weren't doing anything!"

  
    "OK, calm down, jeez. Relax. Remember? Loosey-goosey."

  
    Annie took some deep breaths and did her loosey-goosey dance while Britta untied her hair and shook out the curls, letting them fall around her face and frame it like she usually did, giggling at Annie's dance.

  
    "What? You said loosey-goosey!"

  
    "I know, it's just--cute."

  
    "It's not cute! I'm not trying to be cute, lesbians aren't cute, they're sexy!"

  
    "Annie, lesbians can be whatever they want to be. The only requirements are identifying as a woman who loves other women. Nothing else matters."

  
    "Really? But I thought there was a dress code, like leather jackets and plaid and stuff."

  
    "There's no dress code, wear whatever you want. Girly lesbians are called femmes if you don't believe me. There's all kinds of lesbians."

  
    "Oh. OK. I think I'm ready to try again."

  
    "Good. Come here, cutie." That made Annie blush and Britta was suddenly reminded of Snow White. She had to suck it up for Annie so she could find a nice girlfriend and be happy. This was all for her friend, one of her best friends. She deserved to be happy. Lifting Annie's chin with one finger, she looked into her wide blue eyes and brought their lips together in a soft kiss. She didn't know how long it lasted or why she'd never felt so peaceful and excited all at once, when Annie's arms had circled around her neck or when her own hands had settled on Annie's waist, why the slow sliding of their tongues together or the sweet sliding of their glossed lips against each other was so satisfying.

  
    When she pulled back, Annie was still blushing, eyes closed and chest heaving, lips still puckered and waiting for another kiss. Why the hell not? Annie deserved to be happy and maybe she did too. Leaning back down for another kiss, they heard a crash from the other room, followed by a muffled "We're OK!" They giggled, still holding each other close, foreheads touching. Britta kissed Annie's nose sweetly, not even flinching at the cliched and mushy act. The look of adoration in Annie's eyes made it worth it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I finally get the desire to write again and it's for a rarepair femslash ship from a fandom that's barely active. Fantastic. -.- 
> 
> Feedback appreciated, it warms my cold dead heart, literally even just keyboard smash, thank you.


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